Hoo boy... I never thought I'd be reviewing fanfiction on this blog, especially when it comes to My Little Pony fanfiction...
But with the final chapters that the author of Your Human and You has given us over the last couple of years, along with all the other detours, interludes, and pointless shoehorned characters that were introduced into the story that either went nowhere or had a minor involvement but then faded into the background...
...I am sorely disappointed in this story, and it's conclusion.
I mean, my god, with the conclusion to this story and all the other shit involved in it, it's as if the writer took some cues from the non-existent ideas that the screenwriters for 'The Last Jedi' came up with.
Shit, other fanfic writers have come up with more comprehensive and compelling stories that take place in the Your Human and You universe, and they make a lot more sense than the final chapters that the author of the original story came up with!
Let's begin with one of the first problems the ending of this fanfiction had;
Introducing Flash Sentry right the fuck out of nowhere, as described here;
"Huddled behind the corner, Flash Sentry took a deep breath to steady his nerves. His heart was hammering in his chest with enough force that he was almost certain that it would give away his position. It had taken a long time for this moment: years of planning, months of observing, weeks of preparation, several promotions and transfers—as well as a drunken night with one of his commanding officers—in order to get him to where he was now.
Everything had come down to this very moment. Now, all he needed to do was simply walk around the corner, bump into Princess Sparkle, deliver one of his patented one-liners, and she’d be putty in his hooves.
They didn’t call him ‘Waifu-Stealer’ in school and Basic for nothing. There was nothing quite like snatching an available mare up, banging her, and then flexing in front of the stallion that had been interested in her. Dozens of conquests had been conquered so far in his campaign, but now he was after the finest game.
If he got Twilight Sparkle, newest Princess of Equestria, he’d be set for life.
He had been planning to pull the heist off last week, back when estrus was still in full swing. Not only would mares be more receptive to advances, but he might have even gotten lucky enough to seal the deal with a foal in her belly.
Then that whole fiasco with Discord and the humans happened, and he thought he had lost his chance. But no—Twilight was still in the castle, and it was now or never.
Flash’s ears perked as a feminine voice came from around the corner. It took him a moment, but he quickly identified it as his target. Good, she was on her way. Checking his reflection in the window one last time, he steeled himself, straightened up, and stepped out from behind the corner…
...only to walk face first into a human’s crotch. Both parties stumbled backward, and the human was barely able to keep himself from falling by leaning heavily upon a cane. Flash, however, fell right on his plot, his nostrils suddenly filled with the deep, heated scent of male.
“Are… are you alright?” a voice asked.
Glancing up through watering eyes, Flash saw his intended target staring down at him from atop the human’s shoulders, a concerned look on her face. The human himself bore a look of discomfort, a hand over his crotch. Flash couldn’t be sure, but he swore he heard the human mutter a gruff “Mother fucker” under his breath.
Realizing that the Princess was still giving him a look of worry and that now was the time to strike, Flash opened his mouth to deliver his planned response… but his tongue failed him. He could only stare up at the human as his nostrils flared. Slowly, a red hue spread across his muzzle.
“Well, um…” Princess Sparkle exchanged uncertain glances with the human. “Please be more careful next time?” She gave the human another look, but he only shrugged before stepping around Flash and continuing down the hall.
Flash could only sit there and watch them go, a dazed look on his face. His eyes were riveted to the human’s backside until he limped around another corner and was lost to view. The heated scent still lingered in his nostrils, and he felt his wings twitch as he inhaled again. He blinked twice before his eyes narrowed.
I must have him!"
You know, last time I checked, the author made a few blog posts stating that he wanted his story to have no relation and nothing to do with anything or anyone related to the Equestria Girls spin-off...
...basically, an alternate take on the generic 'human(s) in Equestria' stories that have plagued fanfiction boards and sites since 2010-ish...
...and yet, right the fuck out of nowhere, Flash Sentry suddenly makes an appearance?
Just, what the fuck?
And also all of a sudden, right the fuck out of nowhere, he's got a gay hard-on for Max?
Where the fuck did all of that come from?!
Sorry, but unless you had Flash Sentry introduced somewhere in the story several chapters back, then his introduction in the last chapter was completely and utterly fucking pointless.
Unless you're planning on expanding into this further when you eventually get around to writing the sequel (or not), then I see no other reason for his introduction. Especially how, once again, you've stated countless times in the past 6 years you've been writing this story, that you wanted it to have nothing to do with anything or anyone related to the Equestria Girls universe.
Next up; the conclusion regarding the humans that were brought to Equus from Earth, how the dilemma regarding Max's ex-girlfriend went nowhere, Celestia's attitude regarding the whole thing, and how Max is just like; 'Okay', after hearing Celestia's side of things when she explained why she returned the humans to earth.
(You know what, that's a majority of Max's actions and attitude throughout the whole fucking story; all this bad shit happens constantly to him, and his response is either 'okay', trying to fight and failing spectacularly at it, or acting like a sobby beta male... shit, now that I realize it, nearly 99% of all the My Little Pony fanfictions where there's a human male protagonist, he's a sobby beta male!)
*ahem*
Anyway...
So you mean to tell me that you, Celestia, didn't bother to wait until Max woke up from his coma, so that he could try to be a mediator between your ponies and the humans from earth?
Instead, you gave into the pressure that the ponies you rule over are going to turn into a mob and demand their blood for everything Discord/Paul Riddick did behind your back to manipulate the Earth and Equus humans into rising up and attacking Canterlot and your citizens?
I mean, are you even going to tell your citizens and Equestria who the true culprit was? Or are you too scared to lose your position as ruler?
Shit, you didn't even give Max a chance to smooth things over with his ex-girlfriend before you decided to send her and the remaining Earth humans back to Earth!
Like I said before, it's as if the author was running out of ideas, or had no ideas to begin with and didn't give a shit about the last few chapters when writing them.
But then again, this is a common recurring theme throughout many of the fanfiction stories about My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic... shit, now that I think about it; this is a recurring theme throughout the whole fucking show in the 9 years it has been airing on TV!
Bottom line; Celestia is an idiot. And her sister is an even bigger idiot for not voicing any objections towards her plans and leadership...
*ahem*
Anyway...
I could keep going on and on about how so many other stupid and pointless things really dragged this story down and how they served no point or purpose to the eventual conclusion to whatever it is that the author was trying to tell us...
...like, re-introducing that one Equus Human female at the end of the final chapter who suddenly had the hots for Max in the middle of the story...
...the male zebra character who slipped some transformation potion into Max's pockets/saddlebag/etc., which transformed him into an earth pony temporarily...
...never explaining how Discord/Paul Riddick "killed" Max during their fight in the limbo world and how he was able to come back as a human...
...introducing the two random Earth Human characters who used a makeshift flamethrower to help the Mane 6 get past the Discord Vines and through the Everfree Forest to get to the Tree of Harmony... even though we had never seen or heard of them in prior chapters...
...writing a bunch of interludes that, while they may serve as a good distraction for the fans of the story, ended up making the rest of us grit out teeth in anger as we wonder what kind of ADD-influenced "interlude" the author would come up with next...
...and writing a bunch of differing perspectives from different characters, switching between 1st and 3rd person with Max, and not delivering on what this story was supposed to be; a first-person perspective about a human from our world ending up in a twisted, planet of the apes-esque version of Equestria.
*sigh*
I'm done with this.
This story has just... left a really sour taste in my mouth in regards to how everything was supposedly resolved.
And now, I am just going to move on and never read this story ever again.
And neither will I read the sequel... if it ever comes out.
That's all for now folks.
Until next time, Goodnight America, and to all the ships out at sea.
